Fashionable Kids

You know why I don’t have a lot of other parent friends in my every day life?  Because they are crazy.

I was talking to this woman who told me her daughter had her first day of high school.  I offered my congratulations.  This woman went on to explain that because she doesn’t want her daughter to be one of those kids who sneaks clothes to school and changes at school.  (Uh, aren’t you buying her clothes?  I know if I had snuck clothes to school I would have been wearing pretty much an exact replica of what I was already wearing to school.)  But bygones.  

So she and her daughter came to the Beyonce’s mom agreement, as I call it.  If her daughter is showing cleavage, then she can’t show legs or stomach.  If she’s showing stomach, no legs or cleavage.  And if she’s showing legs, then she can’t show cleavage or stomach.  Uh, I thought this was a ridiculous thought process when I heard Beyonce’s mom say this on how she styles Destiny’s Child aka Gemini’s Twin, but okay.  The teen we were discussing came out of the house to ask her mom if she can go to Knotts Scary Farm only four times.  I looked at the teen’s attire and was disappointed since she had changed that I wouldn’t see her first day of school outfit.  

The mom then said, see her shirt is modest. 

I looked at the white shirt.  It was long in the back and in the front, the shirt ended slightly above the waist line.  So if she moved in certain ways, you would be able to see her stomach, but standing still you could see nothing.  The shirt wasn’t bad.

And with her sweater on, you couldn’t even see that bit of mid-drift, the mom continued.

Wait.  Wait, a minute.  Was I supposed to believe this ninth grader kept her sweater on all day?  Uh, no.  Not buying it, but mom seemingly was so let’s keep it moving, I thought.

With these shorts on she looked really cute and appropriate for her first day of high school, the mom finished.

What?  Wait.  Really?  Are you kidding me?!  Those were the shorts the girl wore too school?  She had on short shorts, they weren’t vaj-jay-jay huggers, but wait too short for a teen girl or a woman to be wearing.  And she wore them too school?  Does this school even have a dress code, I wondered.  What happened to if you show stomach, no legs or cleavage rule?  Oh wait, I remembered, the teen kept the sweater on all day at school so she could show legs. 

The other mom standing there said, the teen look cute and fashionable.  All the girls were wearing shorts like that.

I was going to remain silent, but I couldn’t.  Those shorts are long, I inquired.

Some girls are wearing them shorter, the other mom answered.

I shook my head, not possible.  How could those shorts be shorter, I asked.

The mom said, I made these shorts longer.  They were rolled up twice and I rolled them down one.

What so you want an award for your daughter only dressing partly skanky with those shorts on? 

The other mom added, the other girls are wearing the shorts where you can see their cheeks almost.

At school!?!  At school?!  Are you kidding me?  So some innocent fourteen-year-old boy wearing a t-shirt and shorts that come down to his knees was sitting in class waiting for his first frosh class to begin, when the girl in front of him drops something and bends over innocently to get it, but because she’s wearing vaj-jay-jay huggers, he now gets mooned?  A bottom in his direct line of vision.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  

And then came the best part of all, the mom called the teen over.  She said, well my friend taught me the finger test.  She then proceeded to put her hand on her daughter’s crotch and say, see her shorts end where my middle finger does so they are long enough.  Really?!?!  Really?!?!  When her hand started moving towards her daughter I thought the hand was going to start from the knee.  What if the mom had had Cee Lo sized hands, would that mean the shorts could be even shorter?  Are you kidding me?  We really start at her crotch to determine the length of shorts.

Don’t any of these girls have parents?  Don’t these parents have common sense?  And where are the dads?  The dads saying, uh, you’re not leaving my house dressed like that.  Chris Rock said, if your daughter is on a stripper pole, you have failed as a parent.  It seems like a lot of parents want to fail all in the name of their girls being fashionable.