Where? Where? Where to begin? I guess at the beginning is always good. It all started on a bright and glorious Wednesday with taking the terrific trio to the lab so some of Jory's blood could be drawn. Let me say, there is nothing more exciting than trying to hold down a five-year-old who starts crying as soon as the alcohol pad is seen. The girls thankfully sat on the bench quietly as their mommy wrestled with their brother. After that exciting event and my baby boy acting as if he would die, I dropped the kids off at school and Happy's and went to see my brand new dentist.
The day before I had a toothache and went to the kids' dentist. I don't like the kids' dentist because she has the bedside manner of a ganat, yes, a ganat, and even though we only see her twice a year for fifteen minutes, in that short period of time she irritates me. But I didn't have know any other dentist so I went to her. After a few quick x-rays, she advised I pull the tooth that was causing my ache. Uh, pull my tooth? Are there other options? She quickly rattled off an expensive solution, gave me a referral and a prescription, and I ran not walked out the door. I think her lack of bedside manner makes me doubt her doctoring abilities, which is funny because the new dentist made the same suggestion she did. But he did so by explaining everything in layman's terms and telling me the options I had. His bedside manner rocked! He suggested I have my tooth pulled right away in case the pain got worse over Thanksgiving and i couldn't get into a dentist until Monday. I wanted the pain to stop, so I was given a referral and given the address to an oral surgeon.
The surgeon saw me right away, looked over my x-rays, and explained what he was going to do. Say goodbye to my wisdom tooth. He numbed the area around my tooth. It felt like half my tongue, mouth, and lips were numb. Then he said I would feel some pressure. Feel some pressure?! I felt like an expectant mother on Birth Day after she's had an epidural. I didn't feel pressure, I felt like he was taking out my tooth with a pair of pliers. Periodically, he would ask how was I doing. All I could say was okay, because it wasn't as if I had any other options.
He tried to be encouraging and he had the hygentist assistant help hold my jaw to help with the pressure. Yeah, strangely it still felt like he was ripping my tooth out with a pair of pliers though I did say to myself if this is what it feels like with drugs, what in the world would this feel like with none? Going into the spin zone didn't help make me feel much better.
And finally, when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he said he was finished. He showed me the decaying tooth. Amazing how something that was dying could live inside something living. And like a woman who had just given birth, I was relieved it was over, and I asked if I could keep it. My gosh the root of that tooth was long, like vampire fangs long. Freaky! His assistant slapped some gauze in my now empty gum, gave me instructions, my tooth, a prescription for Vicodin, and then I was sent on my way. Did I mention had I not found public parking I would have paid $1.75 per fifteen minutes to park in the surgeon's office building and they don't validate? And also, when it was all done and I paid my portion of the bill, I thought I went into the wrong profession.
So like any sane woman, I went to the hair stylist so I could go home five hours later with an aching mouth and a hurting head. A quick trip to CVS gave me my first taste of this drug called Vicodin. All I wanted to do was take some drugs, take a shower, and go to bed. I somehow had the strength to organize the trio before I finally laid in my bed. With only a fourth of a burger and five chili cheese fries in my stomach, I thought the medicine would kick in quick, fast, and in a hurry, but it didn't so instead I let the wonderful world of hulu lull me to sleep with the aid of The Chase. (Why is this show so mediocre? It has a good cast, a great lead, the cases are as good as any other on procedurals, so what is so wrong?)
Thanksgiving morning I wake up thankfully and thinking that maybe going to my brother's might not be the best of ideas. And after going to the grocery store to get the items we needed to take to Mort's (why do people high on crack think Thanksgiving morning is a good time to go grocery shopping?) and Jory's meltdown because he couldn't have candy after breakfast, staying home became more and more appealing. And when it became apparent that Oma had been smoking crack (how could she take the girls with her when they weren't as independent as Jory? Yes, you would have to spend so much time watching the girls in a house full of children and adults), I made the decision the trio and I would spend Thanksgiving by ourselves. After Oma was happily on her way, a nap was in order to get more even tempered children and to ease my aching mouth, head, now mysteriously my back.
We were eased into a nap with the help of The Event. (Is Blair Underwood really that hot that I'm still somehow invested in what I refer to as the fractured backstory? Is Jason Ritter's character really that interesting? Why? Why do I sort of care?) Naptime over, I started planning Black Friday while I waited for our pizza to arrive. Why didn't I get a JCP's or Best Buy ads in my paper? Thank God for google and the internet. The game plan was made and our pizza was here.
One by one, we all said what we were thankful for before we ate our pizza. The trio was later thankful for the trashcan after they discovered there's a reason why Mommy doesn't allow you to put crushed red peppers on your pizza.
A quick call to Whitney said game time was on for 2:30AM. I got dressed and went to bed cuddling with Rowan. I woke up at 2:15, put my socks and shoes on, layered down, brushed my teeth, put a scarf around my mouth, and was out the door at 2:35AM.
Oh, the joys of Black Friday. JCPenney's wasn't open yet, but Whit and I saw a lot of activity going on at one of the mall entrances and we decided to see what was going on. Why are people sitting outside in the cold in front of a shoe store? Really?! You sit outside for shoes? I guess so. The mall was buzzing. Children's Place was open. Does a children's clothing store need to be open at two in the morning? And why had the overpriced, even with 60% off, New York and Company opened at midnight? Toy stores I get opening at midnight or in Toys R Us case 24 hours, but a clothing store? Oh well, the former Learners being open at 2AM gave us something to do until JCP opened at 3AM.
SCORE!!! We got our free gifts from JCP and did some quick shopping, but for it was decided we had to leave to get to old Target by 4AM. We arrived a ten minutes before 4AM and the line was past Ross. Thank goodness I was dressed in layers. When I could finally see the doors to Target a USC clad man was loading his TV into his car. I got in and went to town. New York and Company, JCP, Target, Macy's, back to JCP, and we were done. A breakfast at IHOP and after only 6 1/2 hours together, Whit and I parted ways. Can I tell you what a rock star she is? She hosted Thanksgiving dinner at her house, her last guest left at midnight, but she was up and at my house at 2:30. Rock Star!!!
Toys R Us, where I got my own personal shopper, that's never happened to me before there, was followed by Ross. Why my mother would want me to go into that store on Black Friday looking for red tablecloths she saw there a week ago is beyond me. Ross is like Pic N' Save, items are here today and gone tomorrow, never to be seen again. But like the dutiful daughter I went and purchased the red tablecloth that I was certain not the one she wanted, but it was the only one there. Pic 'N Save, where I ran into my aunt and Happy, see LA isn't that big. From there, I made the worse mistake ever- - I went to Kohl's. YIKES!!!
I had never been in that store before and if I didn't have to get the right size shoes for my aunt, I would never step foot in it again. How can you only have 8 cash registers in your store? On Black Friday? Do they not know what Black Friday is? Do they not know if they advertise things on super sale that people will turn up? Obviously based on what I saw today, the answer is no on all counts. Next was CVS, where I was hugged by a strange woman who was crying because her son was ill and they lost her pictures of her and her fiancee in Jamaica. Followed by another CVS, the bookstore, and Home Depot. Dreams of going to Game Stop and K-Mart died. Kohl's sucked the life out of me. What a horrible disorganized place.
A stop by home to drop off bags and pick up Jory so he could get a much needed haircut. McDonald's for a little pick me up and at 3:15PM, I arrive back home less than thirteen hours after I left. Okay, can I just say it's odder than a banjee to have this big gaping hole in my gum. There's like the Grand Canyon in my mouth. The Grand Canyon. It's trippy. Bereft. I've lost a piece of myself. I am empty. Who knew one tooth could mean so much?
It was a good Black Friday and I look forward to the next one. Hopefully next year's I won't be missing any body parts.
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