Thinking Thoughts

What was that I smelt? It smelt like something was burning. No, no, it was burnt popcorn. But we didn't have any popcorn so how could we burn some? I walked into the dining room and my mom said, "Jory burnt the popcorn. He put it on for too long."

Jory was sitting next to Oma, as she spoke. I motioned for him to follow me into the kitchen.

"Didn't you ask Mommy if you could have some popcorn?" I asked.

"Yes," he responded softly.

"What did I say?"

"You said, 'No.'"

"So who told you to make the popcorn?"

"Myself."

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Not only is my son giving himself permission to make his own popcorn, use the microwave unaided, but he also inherited his Oma's gift of overcooking/burning things in the microwave by cooking things for too long.

And exactly who is he to give himself permission to do anything? This whole thinking thoughts thing is for the dogs.
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"Rowan, why did you bite your classmate?"

"Because she pushed me."

"Is it okay to bite people?"

"No."

"Should we hurt people just because they hurt us?"

"No."

"So why did you bite Sierra? Would you like it if I bit you?"

"No. Sierra pushed me."

"Why didn't you tell Mrs. Wilson? Isn't that what we're suppose to do if someone hurts you or says mean things to you?"

"Yes, Mommy."

"So why didn't you tell Mrs. Wilson instead of biting Sierra?"

Silence.

Can I bang my head against a wall? Independent thinking is for the dogs.
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"Baby, why are you eating the toothpaste?"

"Because."

"Because? Because what?"

"Because."

"Are you suppose to eat toothpaste?"

"No."

"Then why are you eating it?"

"Because."

"Who told you to even get the toothpaste out of the bathroom?"

"Nobody. Me."

Me? Really?! Me? You can't even brush your teeth by yourself, but you tell yourself it's okay to eat the toothpaste in hiding.

Why can't they learn to think thoughts when they are away at college? Or married even? Thinking thoughts is going to be the death of me.